First, I need to find a publisher for The Stangreen Experiment. It’s different in style and content from Going Astray, and would have the author name C R Moore to make the distinction. I wrote it as something more commercial than Going Astray when I thought I wouldn’t find a publisher for an unconventional novel. Sunpenny (who have published Going Astray) liked it but are now moving away from traditional publishing, where they bear all the initial costs. I thought of printing it myself but changed my mind and am now looking for a publisher (in my mind at least).

A lot of things I’m doing are only aspirations just now. I think of myself as doing them (certainly tomorrow at the latest) but actually I’m not doing them. I’ve lost a sense of purpose and destiny. I think that’s the problem. I haven’t written in my diary, bar twice, in the last several months and then I made myself do it just to update … well, who? What’s the point? I don’t think I’ll want to read it back, and nor will anyone else. I think that’s a symptom of a loss of drive.

Equally, my new Christian novel – possibly to be called Little Devils – is on the back burner. I’ve had a fair number of daily duties, then other things involving other people and going out, then visits to doctors, hospitals, shops, friends with my mother, and various other ‘things’ (bad word for a writer or anyone, no wonder I haven’t started another book). None of these ‘things’ should stop me finding time. I don’t go out to work now, or have young children to care for, but the will has obviously not been there.

From today something has changed though. I had an operation on my toe – yes, just a toe – but still I have to keep my foot up for a week (and a fair bit of a second week) so I can’t be distracted from all these sedentary activities that I say I’ve been looking to find time for. My sister is looking after my mother and my husband is attending to my every whim. I’m keeping the whims down to a minimum naturally. This is a novel experience.

Other aspiring writers may be interested to know what it’s like to finally get into print. I think it’s relevant to how I feel. I remember a writer saying on the radio once that he was thrilled to get into print, but as soon as that happened he wanted lots of good write ups and so it went on. That’s how it is. Follow up ambitions trip over one another’s heels.

1) You want favourable comments. That was achieved quite quickly. But that spawns a stronger wish for more people to read it.

2) You want more people to read it. That spawns a wish for it to get in book stores or libraries.

3) You want it on those book shelves. The Norwich Christian Resources Centre (partly thanks to my pastor) and my local post office stock it. It keeps going off the post office shelves, so I reckon it might keep going off other shelves if I could get it on them in the first place.

4) You want it on bigger bookshelves. You get stuck. Big local shops want local authors who are writing about local things. If you try really hard, they’ll explain that to you very nicely. If you don’t like pushing yourself forward, it’s a lot of effort to get a direct no.

5) You want it publicised. The same sort of problem applies to local TV and radio, so no again. As for Christian outlets you’re lucky to get any kind of reply and that’s not just me, my publisher finds the same. It seems to be difficult to break in.

This leaves you wondering why you bother. But most people who succeed are very persistent. For all I know, many people who ultimately fail, are too. We don’t hear about them though. I’ve been persistent to get this far. No point in giving up yet.

I shall start writing soon. The urge to read, write a few more emails than I need to, watch the box set of ‘Life on Mars’, lent to me by younger daughter, sleep, listen to the radio, play a computer game etc is strong. Or at least, the will to do other things is weak, bordering non-existent, so eating, drinking and being merry for I really may die tomorrow often feels the closest to satisfying.

Well, this isn’t the most inspiring thing I could put on my web page, but perhaps the fact that it’s true, and that perhaps a good number of us feel this way from time to time might be helpful. I know that when I feel low and a bit of a failure, a pep talk from a happy, happy high achiever doesn’t do the trick. I’d rather know I’m not alone in the boat.

One good thing is that it won’t always be like this and that, however I feel, just getting on and doing it, is the best way out – in God’s strength, even if I can’t feel that either. So here I go. Goodbye for now.

Anne x

By the way I don’t even know how to put those little fac

Otherwise, keep up the good work )

And I comented on your page too…

Also, I can’t help but notice there’s still quite a few pages on this site you haven’t written yet. Get on with it…or have less pages